Re-negotiating

by texaspuddles

Every once in a while it should be time to take a step back and take a look at where you are. Take time to re-evaluate where you stand in your relationship, and re-negotiate if need be. People change, life changes. Others influence the way you think and what you want.

Take my Master and I for instance. We started our relationship 8 years ago as a vanilla couple even though he knew my desires. We talked about it and eventually I convinced him to try things my way. (Topping from the bottom is one of my strong points evidently.) Anyway, he started learning more and found that he is really a very dominant person so why not be dominant physically as well as mentally? So, we re-negotiated our relationship to include BDSM play at least once a month.

It has worked very well for us, and our negotiations are more like chats than actual pen to paper contracts. Those do work, and I advocate them highly in people who are new to each other.

When you negotiate you must take many things into consideration, the likes and dislikes of each other, the health of each other, the economic situations you are both in, and the other life things (vanilla life) such as children, work, family… These things all need to be considered each time you negotiate or contract.

All these things change sometimes gradually and sometimes rapidly.

Boredom can affect re-negotiation needs as well, now do not say that you will never get bored with your partner; it is not your partner you are bored with, it is the rut you can get into. The repetitive play, the groups you belong to can lack one or the other’s best friend… many things can affect how you feel about each other. At this point, you need to re-negotiate things. Whether they are the groups you hang with or the types of play you do. Agree to try new things, agree to join a new group, change the way you do things that might be unpleasant for the other person.

Re-negotiation is just as important as the first negotiation you ever do with your partner. Take the time to do it again today. Take half an hour out to have a chat with your partner and see if there are things that you need or they need to change. It will give a new lease on your relationship.